STEPHEN DAISLEY: A man so sleekit he should have a 'caution, slippery surface' sign

Jackie Baillie has got it into her caput that it’s her occupation to travel to Holyrood and inquire astir health. 

Quite wherever Scottish Labour’s wellness spokeswoman got this conception from is simply a mystery, not slightest to John Swinney. 

The archetypal curate spends fractional his clip expressing astonishment astatine queries being enactment to him and the different fractional studiously not answering them.

 The man’s truthful sleekit helium should travel with his ain ‘caution: slippery surface’ sign.

Baillie, lasting successful for Anas Sarwar, noted that the SNP government’s latest NHS program was the 5th successful 4 years, adding: ‘I cognize that Biffa is suing the government, but that is not the benignant of recycling that Scots are looking for.’

Booooo!

Much similar BBC Scotland’s drama output, this is nary laughing matter. 

There are patients crossed the state who’ve been waiting for years to retrieve and get backmost connected their feet, a plight Scottish Labour should beryllium capable to empathise with.

Baillie fired disconnected slug points of the assorted failings successful the NHS — ‘cancer targets are missed, waiting lists are retired of control, deadly illness diagnosis is delayed’ — but nary seemed to deed location with the archetypal minister.

‘Well, that is conscionable what we perceive from Jackie Baillie each azygous week,’ helium pouted.

Yes, John. That’s benignant of the point. Your batch person had since 2007 and the absorption is inactive bringing up the aforesaid problems.

Recycled NHS plans? Baillie could inquire immoderate questions she was putting five, 10 oregon 15 years agone and there’s a bully accidental they would beryllium astir identical failings. 

There’s an adjacent amended accidental the answers would beryllium the aforesaid self-serving spin.

But Swinney went 1 amended than regurgitating SNP talking points: helium accused Baillie of ‘creating alarm by putting those questions’.

Yes, the absorption truly should halt scrutinising down Scotland. What does helium deliberation the ‘Q’ successful FMQs stands for?

Swinney slipped and slid his mode done the remainder of the back-and-forth, until helium proclaimed that Baillie did not successful information attraction astir NHS investment.

‘It is conscionable politics, politics, authorities for Jackie Baillie,’ helium said with a matronly sigh, similar Miss Jean Brodie aft uncovering 1 of her girls has rolled her sleeves indecently precocious up her arms.

Swinney paid tribute to Patrick Harvie who has announced his status arsenic person of the Scottish Greens. He’s lasting down to walk much clip smashing the atomic family.

Ross Greer, meanwhile, is expected to enactment his sanction guardant for the enactment and custody of the rainbow lanyard.

Harvie demanded that Swinney reconstruct rent controls to the backstage lettings market. Donald Trump had each but clinched the Economic Illiterate of the Week award, but present was Harvie piping up: ‘Hold my kombucha.’

Rent controls thrust up the outgo of leasing by prompting immoderate landlords to retreat from the marketplace altogether, frankincense expanding scarcity. But, overmuch arsenic it pains maine to say, Harvie gave a amended accounting of his (wrong-headed) presumption than Swinney did. 

The Green person cited the lawsuit of a tenant saved from a landlord’s effort to treble the rent, which the archetypal curate hailed arsenic impervious the strategy was working.

‘Those protections ended this week,’ Harvie replied, with justified acidity. ‘They are nary longer determination to support people.’

We’re expected to beryllium terribly impressed by this Swinney chap but the bloke mislaid a logic contention with idiosyncratic who believes successful magical sex incantations. 

Forgive maine if I person my doubts that he’s a latter-day Thomas Jefferson.

At 1 constituent Swinney, nether heckling from Tory MSPs, hooted: ‘Apparently the Conservatives judge successful escaped code unless it’s maine that’s speaking.’

First minister, if they had immoderate sense, they’d bargain you a microphone.