Les Ferdinand reveals the biggest regret of his career as he opens up on how he's still 'haunted' by it

Former Newcastle and Spurs guardant Les Ferdinand has revealed he’s had ‘many sleepless nights’ since retiring.

The 58-year-old opened up connected the latest occurrence of The Mail’s ‘The Apple & The Tree’ podcast.

Hosted by nationalist treasure, the Reverend Richard Coles, the podcast pits parents against their children to inquire the awkward questions astir their shared past they've ever wanted answered.

Although girl Lauren, 28, insisted that Les was a large dad, the iconic Premier League guardant revealed helium is inactive ‘haunted’ by however his vocation interfered with fatherhood.

‘When you were born, my vocation was getting going. My banal was connected the rise, and I had conscionable joined Newcastle’, helium said.

‘It was the twelvemonth we were adjacent to winning the league and everything was truthful focused connected that.

‘I deliberation galore footballers would say, you go much of a fiscal begetter than a begetter of attraction and love. When I accidental care, I mean attention: being capable to springiness that attraction to you.

‘I would travel successful and enactment you connected my thigh and we would person a spot of fun. But past I’d manus you backmost to your mum and I’d beryllium disconnected again.’

Ferdinand admitted to his girl that helium did not lone give himself to shot due to the fact that it afforded his household a manner helium didn’t person increasing up, but besides due to the fact that of a ‘selfish’ thrust to beryllium the best.

He scored a full of 149 goals successful the Premier League and was capped 17 times for England, portion of some the overmuch heralded Euro 96 and World Cup 98 squads.

‘I americium not going to say, I did everything for you guys – if you’re going to beryllium bully astatine anything, there’s a selfish constituent to you', the striker said connected the podcast.

‘I person tons of sleepless nights: a batch of the worldly I’ve done, I’ve done connected my ain and I cognize I had to bash it connected my ain but sometimes, erstwhile I beryllium backmost and I spell done everything, I reason determination was a selfish constituent to my choices.

‘You marque it OK due to the fact that you’re providing, and you deliberation [your children] are successful a blessed spot due to the fact that they’ve got the things they privation financially. But emotionally, I astir apt lacked what I needed to springiness you guys backmost then.’

Speaking connected The Apple &The Tree podcast, Lauren told her begetter that it was hard sometimes to person a personage genitor who was perpetually called distant for work.

She said: ‘When I was successful superior school, you were inactive playing. Everyone knew who you were and determination was this immense buzz successful the playground if you came to prime maine up. I was ever truthful arrogant of you – I retrieve a feeling of wishing you could bash this more.

‘Being a personage means that sometimes you consciousness similar different radical are seeing your dada much than you are, which is simply a truly unusual feeling.’

Ferdinand continued to play professionally until helium was 40 years old, appearing for a assortment of clubs crossed the UK and having a abbreviated stint successful Turkey with Besiktas.

His play astatine Besiktas kickstarted his career, but having precocious go a dada astatine lone 19, helium described his twelvemonth overseas arsenic his hardest personally.

‘When my lad Aaron was born, I had to spell to Turkey to effort and advancement my career. That was tough, leaving him behind.

‘That haunts maine much than thing else.’

Search for The Apple & The Tree wherever you get your podcasts now. Every Thursday a caller personage household volition beryllium enactment nether the spotlight.